Whimsical whatever I'm going to ditch Pauline Tating today. Courtesy of my mother.
I have gone blog-hopping yesterday and some more a while ago. Trekking these outlets of usually some "whimsical whatever" gave me the idea that my writing is beginning to fail me again. I guess I'm made for creative writing and not journalism. Maybe I'm trying to acquire a different writing approach so my original writing style is beginning to suck. You see, Ate Alaysa told me to practice economy of words. It's the skill that I'll give up the world just to master. It's the most difficult thing for me. If you please, you can scrutinize my work and observe that I love using "highfaluting" words and kilometric sentences. I know it's like so but I can't help it. It's hard breaking habits. I love how my sentences are constructed; you know, when I try to express ideas in long, extravagant sentences when they can only be expressed in even two words. Whenever I read my works, I find this sort of "rhetoric touch" I'm so fond of.
But I'll exhaust myself to get this "economy of words" right.
I have read Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea" and it's a good example. He's very frugal with words but the words he uses are perfect for the given occasion.
What else?
I'm trying to get the best out of the remaining days. Come third of January, I'll be intoxicated with work again.
Somehow the idea of filing a Leave of Absence (LOA) appeals to me. I heard Kuya Jerrie did file one because he needed to work. Hmmm...
I really hope he'd come here sooner...
Do you think it's merely physical? I think not. However, I'm craving so much for the penetrating hazel eyes, the complexion now ruined by too much sun (it still looks good anyway), the auburn hair and the gauntness. But it's the eyes. The eyes kill me.
I'm struggling to keep a journal. A proper journal - meaning the one you jot down an entry every day and not every month.
[] [Friday, December 28, 2007 8:37 AM] [1 comments]
Ziegler I wasn't the only one. A massive portion of the entire student population that time was insane over the idea of Douglas Ziegler (a pseudonym? hmmm...).
The first time I saw him, I was spellbound. It was the student elections debate. He was running for vice president of the student council. I remember it vividly. I was sitting beside Lester. I was still a freshie back then. Ignorant - innocent - unadulterated. Screw Masci for corrupting me. Hoho.
Back to Ziegler. Lester and Ziegler know each other. I don't remember their connection but I'm sure it had something to do with a "servicemate" of Lester who was also hooked on Ziegler.
It was Ziegler's turn to take the microphone then. Prior to that, he stayed for a little while beside us. Lester felt the needed to exhibit the "god-like power of his connections" so he initiated a conversation.
"Hi Kuya Ziegler!"
"Hello!"
It was actually me who was directly beside Ziegler but due to my indefatigable grade-consciousness, I was consumed by the debate, plagued by thoughts of surprise quizzes.
Come to think of it, I actually owe Lester the opportunity to meet Ziegler. Hahaha. Thank you, Lester.
I told you, I was spellbound. He was simple. He reminds you a bit of Harry Potter but there's this impression of intellect and authority that does a lot for his appeal. And the smile! Damn it. It will melt your heart away.
Pasimpleng tsansing, yours truly was that moment (I don't really understand that sentence. Who cares.). I held his ID tight and stared at the name. Actually, I was after the photo.
From then on, I started stalking him.
I was so obsessed.
I don't love him. I just...adore him. I don't make much sense. I think there's much difference between the two. Anyhow, I am certain I don't love him. I'm just a super fan.
He's in Diliman as well. I was hoping to see him but I saw him only once or twice ever since June. One time, I saw him walking the left wing of AS first floor. From that time on, I made it a point to stay on that spot on that specific time just to see him.
However, we came almost face-off when I left my "post" for a quick comfort-room thing. He saw me. I looked at the classroom on my right so he won't get a good view. He must never ever recognize me otherwise, this whole stalking business will be ruined.
I was optimistic that he didn't recognize me one bit.
Later, he viewed my Friendster profile.
Okay, alam na.
I'm busted.
Anyway, what's the point of telling you all this Ziegler shit?
You see, I was browsing Friendster a while ago and I passed by his profile and his girlfriend’s profile so...
nothing. Blast from the past again? Hahaha.
You. The "you" I'm always thinking of. Ikaw lang.
So people, don't get any ideas.
[] [Saturday, December 22, 2007 4:00 PM] [0 comments]
Boredom's assault 2 Mga Asignatura
Naalala kong hindi ko pa pala pinaaalam sa aking mga tagahanga ang aking iskedyul ngayong ikalawang semestre, taong paturuan 2007-2008.
Lunes at Huwebes
Ingles 11 8:30-10:00
Kimika 1 10:00-11:30
Agham Panlipunan II 1:00-2:30
Heograpiya I 2:30-4:00
Sabado
Pamamahayag 100 9:00-12:00
Ang Ingles 11 ang pinakamasigla kong klase. Sobrang masigla ang mga tao at pati na rin ang guro. Nagdaraos kami ng mga pangkatang gawain at mga pagtatanghal. Masaya.
Hulol.
Tang ina, ayoko na ngang pasukan ito eh.
Mamamatay na ako sa antok at boredom.
Huwag kunin ang asignaturang ito. Nanganganib pang mababa magbigay ng marka ang propesora.
Ang Kimika 1 ay masaya pagkat madali lamang. Sana ay hindi matarantado ang daloy ng asignaturang ito. Sana ay manatiling mabait si Propesora Leni.
Haaaay...tinatamad na rin akong magkuwento pa.
Next time na lang.
[] [Saturday, December 22, 2007 3:51 PM] [0 comments]
Cheesy warning You don't know much you mean to me.
For the first time again for ages, I'm truly happy.
You didn't know how my knees weakened when you told me you miss me over the phone.
Maraming salamat sa pag-ibig.
[] [Tuesday, December 18, 2007 5:33 AM] [0 comments]
Isay. (II)
Ratsky
As if all my exploits weren't enough, I arrived home only to be ambushed and taken to
My stamina held on a bit until we left Ratsky by 2 am. The first act was Mojofly. The vocalist (Luji ba o Lugee or Lugi? whatever) looked really simple yet somewhat captivating. Homo episodes again.
I ate a lot. I finished my slice of pizza and scavenge others'.
The next act was I guess a bit better. They have a couple of singers - a boy and a girl who was apparently suffering under a sort of fiscal crisis with what she was wearing. I have to acknowledge the guy though, he sings very well. He reminded me of someone but yeah, nevermind. Fuck, who goddamn cares.
The sisig was addictive.
We went back to the hotel thereafter. I slept for only about an hour. Goddamn couch. You can't sleep properly when you're sitting.
They drowned themselves with beer and some issue crap talk all night.
Oblation Run
This was two days ago. Yey, happy birthday to me then!
The "Great Oblation Run" was frustrating.
I saw nothing but naked butts.
Tsk, tsk.
You. Again.(Goddamn cheesy. You've been warned.)
You came for my birthday. Thank you. Finally, redemption from all those days of desperate longing. Thank You so much.
Your complexion darkened a bit. I want to take care of you and keep you out of the scorching sun whenever you go out. Nagturo ka na naman ng sayaw sa arawan. You must be very tired these days...we both were.
Those tears that you've been holding are burning my face.
I am here for you. It will be okay. I am so sorry for being my usual bossy and insensitive self . I have no idea you've been enduring what is too much.
Still, I am scared.
I'm trying not to make the entire universe revolve around you. Kapag nawala ka, ayoko nang mamatay.
I want to scream your name and say "Mahal kita!" in front of my friends. In the streets. At school. In front of everyone.
But I'm a wimp. Kidlatan nako.
[] [Sunday, December 16, 2007 12:49 AM] [1 comments]
Isay. (I)
As of this moment
The drowsiness left me, I guess, temporarily so I'll seize this chance to post something. Yesterday, well yeah, it's yesterday technically, consumed me completely. I don't know but I really feel like posting this now no matter what.
Catacombs
Happy belated birthday Cielo!
I went to Diliman only to find out my J100 class was cancelled so screw the universe.
Some ingenious idea struck my head and I headed to Kalay. I requested John Paul’s company but since he had to take a goddamn bath first and had to shit, I killed time in Isko (computer shop).
For some mystic urge that proved reasonable later, I printed wallet-sized pictures. John Paul came just before I finished cutting them from the entire photo paper.
Since Cielo wasn't replying at all, the goddamn bitch, we decided to get Laarni first.
(Darn these one-sentence paragraphs. I never learn. Natatae na kasi ako eh...pero may tao pa sa CR.)
Supposed-to-be-private photos (a semi-subhead)
You're actually expecting me to do something against one of the most wanted terrorists of Abu Sayyaf? I really meant to designate the photos for private viewing only but well...
It was another adventure to find Cielo's house. All I know is that she lives in
Since I'm a disciple of Buknoy, my legs didn't fall off when we walked almost the entire expanse of Miguelin.
As I anticipated, Cielo still wasn't able take a bath when we found her. Melissa fed us. Nice mommy.
(Putang ina, natatae na talaga ako...)
We watched Catacombs after much harassment from each of us.
It was really nice but that something that finished it up with a sweeping spectacle is the ending. I won't talk about the story. I'm tired enough.
(Okay, nakatae nako.)
(Itutuloy)
[] [Sunday, December 16, 2007 12:49 AM] [0 comments]
Back with Marxism Arduous
I never thought writing could be this exigent.
I've been sleep-deprived for days now. I have finished five drafts so far. Kuya Alliage said that was perfectly understandable given that this is my first article. I don't know whether I must rejoice or lament the fact that he wrote nine drafts before finally getting his article approved.
Pardon me, I started this whole shit without apologizing for my illegitimate absence. Please excuse the formality, I really felt like talking so.
Perhaps at the top of everything that transpired these last few days is that I was accepted as a feature writer of Philippine Collegian. Now that sounded really arrogant but really, I don't give a damn. The rapture that flooded my veins that moment is now zilch like it never existed.
But I would like to clarify that this is what I want. Perhaps stress and the frustration over my drafts diminished my enthusiasm a bit but nevertheless, it didn't tarnish my spirit. There's no turning back here.
I am learning so much. These people have rekindled the Platonic love hibernating after so many endeavors from the toxic Mascian education to completely suppress it.
Yeah, and at this moment, I'm bothered with this kilometric sentence in my fifth draft. I should have broken it up...
Lonesome
I must admit that during the last few days I've been somewhat forlorn. I have no mascian classmates in my subjects. I'm just glad that Angge was with me in Geog 1 but we really weren't able to talk much because of the goddamn group activities. My schedule doesn't compliment any of my friends' schedules, I guess. You know the feeling that sinks in whenever you walk without anyone to talk to but yourself? It's not that everyone's a total stranger to me. It's just that I crave for the company of those I can reveal my bitchyness with.
If this would be a feature article, Ate Alaysa would scold me for not providing transitory statements between subheads but screw the universe, I'm as tired as hell. I don't give a damn.
Spiraling vehemence
The last time I saw you was in November 15. The days are rolling by like years as I suffer the waiting that seemed to be perpetual. In every moment that passes by I feel the vehemence of my emotions spiraling. The poetic shit within me is taking control now. You've been warned.
There was no second that you weren’t in my mind. I am a hopeless case. I identified this as somewhat like a desperate longing. In every thing I see I remember even the most trifle details of your personality. For so many nights I've been dreaming of you only to wake up each day in disenchantment upon realizing my mind has hoodwinked me again.
I miss you like hell. I am ashamed to say all of these things because I knew I said the same kind of things some time ago...and I'm talking about a different person. I am begging that you do not leave.
Please be here with me. Christmas would be much better.
And I'm completely certain you're not trekking the internet realms where I divulge all this romantic crap.
[] [Monday, December 10, 2007 2:18 PM] [0 comments]
Inday Who is this bold soul who dared to silence me for so many years?
- blog ko, nag-Inday mode
Oh yes.
I'm feeling all Christmasy.
No more classes for me.
There are papers - yes, yes - there are papers. But they're bullshit anyway. Keri na.
It's been about two months.
I couldn't jot down my reasons for not updating because even my excuses have accumulated to an unmanageable extent.
At this moment
I woke up at 3:30 in the morning. I slept at about six. I call it justice - the night before I didn’t sleep in my house and stayed up all night to finish something.
It's not some sort of academic crap.
I woke up crying because of a dream I had. Emo? hohoho (hoho because it's Christmas na). Hell no.
Hell week
This week had been a hell week. Oh well, I have adapted to such situations because of the extensive training Masci provided me. So keri.
No more classes next week. But motherfucker CW pissed the shit out of me. I still have to get a topic approved. I could have started my narrative - if she had been generous enough to grant me a topic. God damn her. I'll curse her - only 3 students will enlist for her next semester.
How's CRS? I drafted my schedule in primary accordance to comfort and maximum free time. I only have three schooldays a week but I have five subjects on Mondays and Thursdays. Oh well. So keri.
I guess I'll end up with this. My hand still hurt because of all that writing in Kas1 essay exam. Damn Kas 1.
Oh, before I forgot.
To Cassie:
Don't worry, Terence sees and will always see Emerald only as a friend.
Merry Christmas!
[] [Friday, October 05, 2007 9:40 PM] [1 comments]
The Living Shit (Note: I was supposed to post this on Thursday.)
Hahaha.
Well, I've grown tired of starting my entries with "It's been a while..." and all that shit so I guess I'll begin pronto.
I think I messed up my MS1 exam. I arrived at about 10:45. The test started at 10. God damn lethargy machine.
Uh...what else?
Finally, I have asked him the question that has been bugging me for ages now. Well, as I anticipated...haha. I wasn't sad or depressed or anything. I'm moving on so well, huh?
At least I could give all the cards to the other now.
Anyway, it's been raining miserably for days. In fact, it's only now - as in today - that the weather showed signs of cooperation. Yesterday, it unleashed all hell upon me. My subject starts at 8:30 in the morning. I was already receiving dozens of group messages celebrating everyone's redemption from classes. I tried to contact UPD but I couldn't get any decent answers. Raffy was already nagging me for still having the guts to go to school and all but - well - I couldn't afford to miss that class. Hahaha.
I tried the alternative route for the first time. I rode about a couple of jeepneys to the LRT2 station to Katipunan. Great. I need not to be reminded of the shame I had to go through. First, I had to hold my slippers and walk up the station steps bare-footed. Shame-o-meter gone wild, believe me. The flip-flops kept on trying to get some attention by attempting to give me a slip - and the only way to avoid that is to walk as fast as Mallari. No thanks, motherfucker slippers. I couldn't get any later than I was.
Everyone was already heading home by that time. I was also going home too...yeah...home to Diliman. Ghad, my jokes are scaring the living shit out of me (Teenagers LSS).
I was able to arrive at about 9:30. Good thing my German prof had just arrived. Yeah! All the forces in the universe conspired to bring good fortune!
Later yesterday, GMA the bitch suspended class in all year levels. Wow. She's always on time. The bitch.
What's happening at the moment? A milestone in my sixteen years of existence...yes...indulging in more hours of demented boredom. Oh, I'm actually busy...busy doing nothing. Kill me if I tried joking again.
Oh yes, apparently, someone slashed his wrist because of my attitude again.
FYI, not my fault.
[] [Saturday, August 11, 2007 5:39 PM] [0 comments]
Haplos I could feel the difficulty of the times crawling on me.
There's the financial problem still unsolved. I keep on losing money because of some remarkable stroke of stupidity. My pecuniary schemes always fail because I don't know the meaning of the word "discipline". There's nothing but crackpot dissemination of money. Irritable sources. People who don't pay debts. Tons of readings. Exams. I could feel it coming - that sensation that plagues me whenever periodic tests are around the corner.
Maybe I should start injecting work in my spacious schedule.
Maybe I should start outlining my academic blueprint to achieve my uno-obssessed rationale.
Maybe...maybe...
I already have a couple of absences in my CW 10 class. In those absences, I wasn't really absent - I just arrived late. Significantly late.
Pakker. I need to make up through the writing exercises. I need to make up big time; otherwise, I'll bang my head against the wall.
I failed to turn in my homework in MS1 because, you guessed it right, I was fucking late again. God damn - I need a good score in the midterms-and I mean a GOOD score. GOOD in best standards.
I need to focus more on my career. Other things come after.
Oh yeah, before I leave, I would like to thank thee for helping me develop the will and the capability to move on. Thank you for all the love.
I hope some blessed thunderbolt will strike me for what I have just written.
[] [Friday, July 27, 2007 1:48 PM] [0 comments]
